Scot Pankey's Devotion

Scot wrote this devotion after last week's 20Something meeting.

Amen Scot!
Jen

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am yourGod; I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous hand. Isaiah 41:10

We have this great group of young adults at Cathedral of Hope called"20Something." This past Wednesday night in our weekly class, we talked about our future. One thing that was brought to my attention when we discussed the future of our government, country, world, and personal lives was there was so much fear. Let me just give you a short run-down of our fears that we discussed. Fear of people continually dying in a useless war. Fear of having government leaders in this country who lie and abuse power. Fear of not being able to love and marry whom God has brought in their lives. Fear of not being able to adopt children that need loving, nurturing, and healthy homes. Fear of not being able to find a job. Fear of rising gas prices. Fear of the religious right forcing their beliefs on them without even knowing God's knowledge or truth. Does the future really look bright for our young adults?

Yes! And let me tell you why. There was a life changing moment in our 20Something group that night. It was a moment that I believe will change our world and God was right there in the center of it, leading the way. We discovered that, (to quote a line from the movie Network) "We're mad as Hell and we're not going to take it anymore." We're not going to sit by and cowardly depend on others to make a difference in this world. We are going to take a stand, and not let fear run our lives. We are the ones that are going to make a difference. God has called us to be beacons of light. To shine forth the truth in this world of fear.

How can we do this? We claim it in Jesus name. We look to Isaiah 41:10 and we know that God will give us strength. God will comfort us when we have those fears that paralyze us and dominate our thoughts. But my favorite line from this verse is "Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." What comfort that brings to me. I think of when I was a child and my parents holding me up inthe air. I felt free and alive! Nothing was going to harm me. I was safe in their hands. We have that same promise and protection from God. When we take a stand for truth and justice, no need to fear, the whole world is in God's hands. Dear God, may we have the courage of Christ. To stand and be heard, to speak truth and to show others that You are not a God of fear, but of HOPE. Amen

Devotion by Scot Pankey
Minister of Evangelism, Youth & Young Adults
Cathedral of Hope, Dallas

20Something 8-25-05

I was unable to post Scot's 20Something lesson this week, but if you click on the link above you'll find a study on peace from earlier this year. It's always good to review. Have a blessed week.

Thoughts Evoked by The da Vinci Code

Yesterday in another blog I mentioned that Angela and I are currently reading Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. This book came out prior to The da Vinci Code but seems to be equally intriguing and we're very much enjoying it. My brief mention of The Da Vinci Code produced this question:

"Forgive my stupidity, but isn't the D. Code quite anti-Christian???? ... and anti-Bible?"

A discussion of The da Vinci Code could take hours so rather than launch into the details of the plot and the questions it raises, I'll just say no; I don't believe this book is anti-Christian and I don't believe it is anti-Bible.

The da Vinci Code is a work of fiction that suggests perhaps we don't know everything there is to know about Jesus. This idea does not threaten my faith in the least. I think there is much we don't know about Jesus and it is always interesting to hear others' thoughts and opinions about who this man is to them and who he might have been to Mary Magdalene and others who encountered him while he was on earth. Dan Brown presents some ideas in The da Vinci Code that happen to be unpopular in some Christian circles, but this does not mean his idea are null and void or that we should shy away from reading the book. Setting limits on the amount of spiritual awareness one can have does not protect the individual from the possibility of veering off the path of righteousness, but rather it shelters that person and produces a fear-based attitude that makes considering new knowledge an incredibly difficult task. It inhibits growth.

The da Vinci Code suggests that Jesus may not have been perfect, or at the very least that there might have been more to this man than we have been taught. It doesn't cause me any discomfort to think that perhaps Jesus didn't possess some of the magical qualities that Christian tradition often attibutes to him, or that he might have been more emotionally attached to Mary Magdalene than it appears. If Jesus were this candidly human, the sacrifice he made would have even greater implications. The point is, blemish or no blemish, this is still the same Jesus that you and I know and love, and experience daily. Reading a work of fiction does nothing to tear at that root.

People who write about Jesus fascinate me. It often means they have experienced Jesus in some uniquely profound way and have formed an emotional attachment to him, and as a result the words pour out of them. Jesus inspires people. That's why I find it hard to believe that the religious scholars who assembled the Bible could only find four Gospels worthy of passing on to future generations. Surely there were hundreds of people besides Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John who encountered Jesus, became inspired by him, and wrote about him. I have heard that there were as many as eighty-four other Gospels that were rejected as the books of the Bible were being collected. I'm sure there would be millions of extra Gospels if Jesus walked the earth today. All of this is to say, perhaps there is more to be learned about Jesus. Sources that offer a fresh perspective are not by nature anti-Christian. It's Christians who are often anti-evolvement.

Rev. Dr. Jo Hudson delivered a terrific sermon last night at the Cathedral of Hope and she had this to say about the Bible--"I don't know if it happened exactly that way, but I believe it is true." It might be hard to fully wrap our brains around that, but I think it speaks to the importance of actively seeking God each day and continuing to keep an open mind about the ways in which God can work in the world.

I absolutely believe in the truth of the Bible. But perhaps there is more to the story.

Maintaining High Faith-Esteem

It's nice when others approve of us. It feels good. It validates us, and makes us feel as if we are little flashes of silver in a collection of things that are otherwise dull and tarnished. We feel special. But as that approval wanes or departs from us altogether (and it nearly always does), how can we keep from feeling equally unplugged and inferior?

Several months ago I met someone with whom I immediately connected. It was one of those friendships in which we just clicked and found it extremely easy to jump into conversations about the topics that were important to us. She was admittedly struggling to reconcile homosexuality with Christianity at the time, so many of our conversations were centered around the ways in which God had worked in each of our lives to that point. Although she was the one seeking advice from me, I found myself learning from her equally. I was intrigued, perhaps at least partially because she held my opinion in such high esteem. She wholly approved of me, and I became caught up in the affirmation.

Over the past couple of months our relationship has detiorated, for reasons too numerous to name here. Perhaps God is showing us all the negative things that can happen once our involvement in a relationship becomes egocentric, or when we become more focused upon the available proceeds than we are upon effectively donating to the relationship. There is a huge payoff when someone enthusiastically approves of us and that becomes addictive, but there is certain wisdom in keeping the euphoria at arm's length so the quest for it does not become habitual. Although it never feels good to unplug from a source of emotional stimulation, doing exactly that is often the smartest thing to do. If for no other reason, it vividly demonstrates to us that our intrinsic value exists independently of our relationships with others. It forces us to see that God is the one who sustains us.

This is especially important for us as gay Christians. Homosexuals face plenty of knee-jerk judgment without even professing faith, so proclaiming that we are Christians often produces critiques that are much more harsh and commanding. There are some who will approve of our sexuality and some who will approve of our faith, but finding someone who approves of both is a much more daunting task. Still, our worth exists. Our value is inherent in God, made possible through Jesus Christ, and disclosed by the Spirit whose breath rises and falls within us. This is the steadiness that carries us through life. Another person's expectations for us, her interest in us, and her ability to love us might rise and fall as we go through life, but God is not so inconsistent.

I'm still learning to fully embrace this unconditional acceptance and faith-esteem, but as I make the concerted effort, I'm noticing that life becomes a whole lot more peaceful and satisfying. What a comfort to know that our worth does not come from the outside, but instead from the inside. And this is where the most powerful force in the universe resides. This is the little flash of silver that no other person can tarnish. And wisdom and maturity help us allow it to shine.

20Something 8-17-05

An out-of-town, twentysomething friend of mine suggested that I begin posting something each week from our 20Something meetings at Cathedral of Hope, so I will try to do so regularly. The Bible studies are most effective when you can discuss them in a group setting, so you might want to print them and discuss with a partner, or organize a weekly small group gathering of your own.

We began with a bit of background behind the hymn It is Well With my Soul. Click here to view:

http://coh20something.blogspot.com

Trusting God for the Truth

Angela's grandmother spent the past couple of days at our house as she was passing through from Iowa to Austin, and although I didn't get to spent a great deal of time with her, I was again reminded what a sweet soul she is and how blessed Angela and I are to have her as a member of our family. First Will, and now Angela's grandmother...I guess I'm feeling led to mention spiritual influences right now.

Eunice is a leader in her church and the spiritual keystone of the family. Just listening to her talk for any length of time gives you the sense that God is the most important thing in her life, and that alone encourages you to seek God on a much deeper level in your own life. There are many people in the world who possess a similar quality. But what sets Eunice apart from others, is the trust she has in God to work out spiritual details with each believer, independent of what she thinks or happens to have experienced in her own relationship with God. She harbors no judgment, and possesses no desire to assign moral correctness to a select few groups in society and withhold it from others. She's truly compassionate, and this attitude is deeply rooted in faith.

She has always been wholly accepting of Angela. She may not have understood homosexuality perfectly when Angela came out to her in teens, but rather than issue immediate condemnation as dedicated Christians often do, she allowed Angela the space to work things out with God on her own. Several years later Angela directly asked her grandmother for her opinion on homosexuality as it relates to Christianity; that is, whether or not she thought homosexuality was sinful. After a six-month period of wholeheartedly studying the Biblical passages that are commonly used to address the issue and praying earnestly about it, Eunice came back to Angela with the conclusion that homosexuality is not sinful, and that it could very well be part of God's perfect plan for the evolution of society. Other Christians may disagree, but no one can deny that this is Eunice's unique experience or that it is an integral part of her walk with God. Rather than rely upon commonly held spiritual opinions that could have easily relieved her of months of work, she studied the issue independently and took it directly to God in prayer, trusting that God would reveal to her the things that she needed to know. She trusted God to work in Angela's life in a similar way. What a refreshing approach.

Not only has Eunice's relationship with God grown deeper as she has sought the truth, but her relationship with Angela has grown deeper as well. And as I have been witness to both, I have become even more awestruck over just how good God can be.

Will at Grace

I had lunch with a friend last week who happened to be in Dallas at a conference, and I realized as we sat there with our carb-conscious chicken breasts with steamed vegetables and talked about theology, just how much we had both grown up in the past four years.

I met Will at the radio hub we both worked for in Austin in the late 90's, and I knew immediately there was something uniquely genuine and graceful about him. We started out talking about our love for coffee and good vinagrette recipes, but eventually we got around to the subject of faith and the different ways in which we had experienced God to that point. His vested interest in my faith and mine in his sparked a deep friendship that still seems to keep us continuously connected no matter how frequently or infrequently we talk now.

We used to have the best conversations over Schlotzsky's sandwiches. We were both off work by noon every day so we went to lunch regularly, and there were even occasions when we attended a lunchtime church service together at a Methodist church in downtown Austin. It was a time of tremendous growth. Each of us seemed to be at a crossroads in our life at the time, so we talked a lot about what we thought God might be calling each of us to do next. Will was feeling called to start seminary and become a Methodist pastor. I was feeling called to become a more knowledgable, faith-filled Christian so I would be able to help others as they reconciled homosexuality and Christianity. We both sought to put more energy into serving God, and as we shared the depth of what that meant for one another I think we did just that.

Getting the news that our radio hub would be dissolved in June of 2001 and we would be out of a job was all the motivation Will needed to enter seminary immediately. I was a much bigger wimp about the direction of my life. I didn't want to leave Austin, so any new opportunities I pursued were within the city limits. It was safe inside those borders and I was too insecure to look much beyond them. Will was actually the one who suggested I send a demo tape and resume to some radio stations in Dallas, and after I objected and came up with a hundred reasons why no radio station in Dallas would ever hire me, Will pointed out how foolish I was to limit God like that. He was right. It wasn't healthy for me to let fear-based excuses confine me to one spot emotionally or geographically, no matter how comfy I happened to be or how badly I chose to underestimate God's ability to use me in any circumstance. It was better to remain open to every possibility and let God close the doors.

I took Will's advice and sent a demo package to Dallas, and eight weeks later I was flying up for an interview. I got the job and I left Austin to begin anew on 9/11/01. God was busy that day, but I still felt the Presence. The move to Dallas was a leap of faith, and it has presented even more growth opportunities than I ever thought possible. I don't suppose I should be surprised. God has never allowed me to fall too far backward without launching me forward at twice the speed. Moving to Dallas has ultimately served as the catalyst that led us to the Cathedral of Hope, and it's probably that more than the job that has made our move to Dallas so fruitful. It was Will who provided the much-needed shove to set things in motion. Will lives the truth--that anything is possible with God--and God uses him to make others believe.

Being a Christian takes an extraordinary amount of faith. It would be simple to say, "Well, I've accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior" and leave it at that, but God won't let us off that easily. At least in my experience, God requires nearly constant growth and development. The minute I think I have achieved an acceptable level of knowledge and wisdom and that I am deserving of a short break at a spiritual rest stop, God sends someone to tell me otherwise and before I know it I'm back on the journey. Will provides this type of motivation for me. His love for God is indisputible and awe-inspiring, and even though he would never claim to have life all figured out, the grace that is present with him seems to provide definitive answers about the ways in which God moves through the world. It takes a great deal of faith to allow yourself to become a spiritual vehicle that packs that much punch.

I was probably at the height of the struggle to reconcile my faith with homosexuality when I met Will, so he became instrumental in helping me work through and overcome some of the reservations I had about being gay and Christian. One day as I was wallowing in my own homophobia he said, "Look, sin is an obstacle that separates you from God. Your relationship with Angela does not separate you from God; if anything, it draws you nearer." That was a huge revelation for me. Before that, I really had no common sense basis for what made certain acts sinful. But with that principle in mind, it's easy to see why things like lies and selfishness are sinful, and why homosexual relationships are not necessarily so. It's the condition of the heart that matters, and being homosexual does not automatically have a negative impact. It is what each individual does to draw nearer to God or to move further away that gives homosexuality any degree of moral relevance.

Will is a spiritual mentor whose brain I constantly want to pick. He and his wife Alisha live in Corpus Christi now where he is associate pastor at Grace United Methodist Church so we are not geographically close, but we are spiritually inseparable. By that I don't mean we always think alike and have become cookie cutters of one another, but simply that we are similarly entwined in the Spirit as we move through life. I think God puts these people in our lives to stimulate us, encourage us, and comfort us, but also to remind us how far we have yet to go. I see the things Will is doing in his life and ministry, and I suddenly have the renewed energy to know more about God and to work toward making a difference in my own little corner of the world.

Faith is infectious. And gay or straight, I think God expects each of us to leave this type of lasting impression.

Follow-up to Zach's story

An acquaintance of mine, Aaron, posted Zach's story in his blog last week and asked for my opinion. Like most people, I was sympathetic to Zach's plight. It's unfortunate that parents can react negatively to a child's coming out, and it's not a stretch to say it's stories like these that often keep people in the closet. No one wants to risk being shipped off to an ex-gay camp. But there was something unsettling about Aaron's reaction to the story.

On the face of it, Aaron's attitude is pretty harmless. He says he absolutley despises the fact that Zach's parents made the decision to send Zach to an ex-gay camp, and he maintains that he personally is fully supportive of gay people via the "live and let live" philosophy. He thinks if a person chooses the homosexual lifestyle then he or she should be left to live accordingly without fearing judgment or condemnation. But doesn't condemnation exist in that very idea?

Aaron thinks like many people do. I don't condone the behavior, but I'm not going to meddle. But saying you don't condone homosexuality is a bit like saying you don't condone blonde hair. It's pointless. A few people are going to have blonde hair, and although you can disapprove of it, it will continue to grow from the inside out, beyond anyone but God's control. To say that you don't condone the behavior, lifestyle, or anything else that mistakenly implies that homosexuality is something we adopt and not something we awaken to, just proves how little you understand.

There are many people who believe as Aaron believes--that it's a choice to be gay. To some extent this is true. It's not a choice to feel the chemical reaction that attracts us to members of the same sex, but it is a choice to accept ourselves unconditionally and to live in congruence with that truth. Is the latter the "choice" that Aaron and others support? Or do they assume that the choice is in the exchange of some "natural" heterosexual chemical reactions for some wild and crazy homosexual ones? I'm not certain how that could even happen.

I suppose I could make the choice to live as a heterosexual, but that would do nothing to change the fact that I am one hundred percent homosexual, and it would make my life a miserable lie. By the same token, Aaron could choose homosexuality, and that would do nothing to change the fact that he is heterosexual. Something tells me he wouldn't go that far. Perhaps neither of us has much choice in the matter.

At least Aaron agrees that once homosexuals have reached the point of self-acceptance, we should be allowed to go on living truthfully and free of condemnation. That's a start. But it's also proof that we have much further to go.

Zach's Story

Have you heard about Zach? Click on the link above if you'd like to read about the way his family reacted to the news that he's gay. What are your thoughts?

Limitations

Do you ever feel limited in your relationship with God? I do. And I think the majority of these limitations are self-imposed. I used to struggle with the basic idea that a person could be both gay and Christian, which allowed me to imagine all sorts of reasons why God might be frustrated with me, why God might not answer my prayers, and why I might be better off leaving God the heck alone. Not one valid thought in the bunch. But I allowed all of them to keep me spiritually fenced-in, which inhibited growth and kept me from fully grasping the depth of my love for God and God's love for me. How convenient for Satan. I painted myself into a corner.

I know now that it is possible (even a blessing) to be both gay and Christian, so it's not the basis of faith that I struggle with anymore. But I do manage to limit myself in other ways, namely when it comes to the idea of having children. I've never been overly maternal and it has never been a dream of mine to have 2.5 children and the white picket fence, but as I have matured and grown closer to my nieces and nephew, I have become a great deal more appreciative of innocence, curiosity, unconditional love and trust, and other qualities that children possess, to the point that Angela and I have begun talking about having children of our own. Actually, we've been talking about it off and on for over a year and we have yet to take action, but the fact that we are even talking about it signals serious progress. Four years ago I would have erected an emotional wall the minute the subject was introduced, and I would have gone on committed to the idea that Angela and I would never have children without ever really exploring the possibilities in depth.

Fear is a powerful dictator. The fears that I had about having children--worrying about how the world would view a child with two mommies, assuming that God did not desire for me to become a parent because I'm gay, and other irrational, caged emotions--prevented me from attaching any importance at all to the idea that Angela and I could become parents. In a similar way, I think fear can keep us all from pursuing a deeper relationship with God. Homophobia---both external and internal--can prevent us from attaching importance (not to mention power) to our spiritual lives, and it will do its best to destroy any fulfillment that we do receive. But it's not hard to overcome these fears if we continue to forge ahead despite them.

It seems like a no-brainer to say that being gay shouldn't prevent us from doing anything. But I think it can affect the way we view ourselves in relation to our families, our culture, and to the rest of the world, and that is the thing that can keep us caged and make us ineffective.

I am no longer oblivious to the fact that God is alive in children, and that children are an incredible blessing. Perhaps it's God that I fear--that I find God's love to be so pure and innocent that it becomes overwhelming, blinding, and difficult to embrace when I feel so utterly undeserving and incapable of ever knowing the full extent of it. But thoughts like that can be overcome. If I've learned anything so far during the process of reconciling faith and sexuality, it's that God can draw us out of our own shells and accomplish more through us than we ever dreamed possible as long as we remain active and willing.

We think in terms of our limited capabilities, while God thinks in terms of the endless possibilities. What does this mean for you?